Haunted by my own potential
On April 2025
Exams Season is back again
With so much going on and me writing about other things in my previous postcards, I might have drifted a little, but yes — I’m still doing my master’s, and it was finally time for the end-of-semester exams. I had two: Strategic Brand Management and Customer Relationship Management. Both exams went smoothly, and I think I should pass. Fingers crossed. These were probably the last written exams of my life, since everything else going forward will be presentations, assignments, and video submissions (yes, our university does that).
In other news, because one degree clearly wasn’t enough, I’ve signed up for another course. There's a university here in London called SOAS — the School of Oriental and African Studies — and they offer a short 12-week course in Introduction to Japanese. So, starting next week, every Monday from 7 PM to 9 PM, I’ll be attending Japanese classes.
Why Japanese you might ask? I don't know when I’ll have this kind of free time again in my life, and honestly, instead of doing a part-time job, I figured picking up a new skill would be way more fulfilling.
Maybe someday soon, I’ll be planning a trip to Japan and actually talking to people in Japanese (wild, right?) — or even watching anime without subtitles! I’m also really curious to see what kind of people will sign up for the class. It’s going to be an interesting experience for sure
.Parents in London!
If you’ve been following my IG stories (all thousand of them 😅), you probably saw that my parents flew all the way from Bombay to London to spend some time with me during the easter break. They were here for a week, and honestly, it was the BEST time ever. We packed so much in — I showed them around my college, took them to my favorite pizza place (they loved it, and trust me, they’re pretty harsh food critics), explored my go-to London spots, and tried some incredible food.
I also made them walk 20,000 steps a day , which they weren’t thrilled about — but we did find a little massage spot near their hotel where they’d sneak in 15 minutes of relaxation every day,
When I was 7, my parents took me to Switzerland — my first-ever trip abroad. That trip became the trip for our family, the one packed with iconic moments and memories we still talk about to this day. But this London trip? It beat Switzerland.
I honestly can’t remember the last time I had this much fun with Mom and Dad. Maybe it’s the distance that's made our bond even stronger. Maybe being apart makes you realize just how much you treasure the little, simple things you once took for granted. Like mom bringing food during exam season or just hanging with dad and watching cricket or football throughout the weekend.
In those 7 days, I forgot about everything — college stress, deadlines, all the noise. And my parents? They forgot about office work too, haha. No emails checked, no calls answered. Phones were literally on DND 24/7. Pure peace.
I posted all our pictures on Instagram, and I even did something I had never done before: I made a sign. When I went to pick them up at the airport, I stood there holding it, and honestly almost shed a tear when I saw them walking out.
We also hosted a dinner here where they met all my friends — and it turned out to be one of the most wholesome nights of my life. Everyone got along, the vibe was just smiles all around, and most importantly: yes, theplas were distributed to all my friends. Theplas are like a serious commodity here.
This felt like a much-needed vacation right in my own city. Showing my parents around made me feel like a tourist again, taking them through all my favorite spots and stomping grounds. Somewhere along the way, I think I started liking London again — or maybe I just realized I never really gave it a fair chance.
There’s so much I haven’t seen, so many experiences I still haven't had. So I’ve decided: one touristy new thing per week. Let’s see how long I can stick to it.
But honestly, these 7 days were exactly what I needed. I feel recharged and ready for the final leg of my master’s. I felt like my old self again — full of energy, excitement, and that itch to keep trying new things was back.
Now the real challenge is to keep this momentum going. Maybe it’s just about making sure I’m around people I love, staying connected, and filling my days with small wins.
Feeling a Bit Lost
Last month, I turned 25. Which, if you think about it, means a third of my life is already over — assuming I live till 75, haha.
I’m slowly inching toward the end of my degree, and honestly, it feels like the walls are closing in a little. That dreaded question — "What’s next?" — is starting to loom large, and no matter how much I think about it, I don’t really have an answer.
When I look at my peers back home, I can’t help but feel like I’m falling behind. Some of my friends are getting engaged, some are married already, some have started their own companies, and others are at universities I once dreamt of attending. It’s hard not to compare, and harder still not to feel like I'm somehow late to the race.
They say that by 25, you should have answers to three big questions:
Where will I live?
What will I do?
Who will I live this life with?
And truth be told — I don’t have answers to any of them. Not yet, anyway.
Recently, I took a small walking tour around London (I’ve been trying to do more touristy things ever since my parents left). Everyone on the tour was 60+... except me.
As we wandered through Covent Garden, learning about Charles Dickens’s life, I ended up befriending a lovely couple from Canada — both 67 and somehow clocking more steps than I did at my prime at 25.
We started talking, and when they asked me what I was doing in London, I told them about my short-ish adventure of living here. I also opened up a little and shared that I was feeling lost and unsure about my future.
That’s when they told me something I’ll probably remember forever:
"Every person, every location, has its own time zone — and you have to respect your own. Don’t fight it."
They shared their life story too, and said that when you turn 70, the only thing that really matters is how much love you have around you. Love from your partner, your kids, your friends, even your pets. That is what keeps you going, not your resume, not your accomplishments. Just love.
So maybe that’s what I’m focusing on now — building meaningful friendships, nurturing real relationships, and giving myself permission to grow at my own pace, in my own time zone.
This newsletter has been such a special outlet for me — a space where I’ve shared both my wins and my worries. I recently read that writing can either be a mask or a mirror... and sometimes it’s both.
Through this little corner of the internet, I’m building love. And if you had told me 10 months ago that I would, I wouldn't have believed you.
So thank you — for reading, for engaging, for being part of this journey. It means more than you know. 🤍
Thank you for reading!
I’ll see you in the next postcard!
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All my love,
Ayan